An update

Since my last post, I have to admit my mood has brighten. I have started to feel much better and not so exhausted all the time. We have had some bumps along the way but I seem to be handling everything a lot better than I was. My normal optimistic self is returning.

So I finally made it to the dr. for baby #5. I called one dr. last Monday and they had to approve me, so I waited for a call back. I called back Wednesday, just to make sure they had not forgotten me and they promised to call me back that afternoon. Needless to say, this Monday I finally, just called another dr. They got me in very quickly b/c I was already about 17 weeks. So Tuesday, we met my dr.'s nurse practitioner. She is AWESOME!! The office is not csection happy, which is great since I tend to have large babies and most dr.'s want to csection large babies. She worked over time with the doppler to hear our little one's heartbeat b/c he/she would not keep still. I felt very comfortable and am scheduled for a ultrasound Monday. So maybe Monday, we will know what baby #5 is. We are all hopeing for a girl but will be blessed with whatever God gives us. I am also measuring a little bigger (19 weeks) so they may move my due date up.

I am sick with a sinus infection so my mom and little sis, Madison came for a couple of days to help me out. Pud (an old family friend) is coming tomorrow to help out with the rest of the week and weekend.

Big news for our family, Jeremy's brother Jason and his wife, Sheri are having a baby BOY!! My first nephew, I am so excited about having a nephew!!

The rest of my crew is doing really well. My next blog will be about my big girl, Caroline. She is growing up so fast and accomplishing so much. I need to give her a whole entry.

Lately....

Lately, I have been in what you may call a funk. My life, since Ayden has been born, has been extremely hectic. I was sick, then Ayden was sick, then we packed up and moved across the state. When we moved, I was so excited. I would be were there was daycare available at the gym, so I could actually go work out. I was done having babies, so now I would have time to make friends. I would have neighbors that were my age and not retirees. My husband would be home every night. All of these bubbles were popped in about 2 weeks time.

I guess my biggest blow was finding out I was pregnant again. I know it is a blessing but it is still very hard for me to wrap my mind around. In my head, I was done. I had my family and was quite content. I still get very overwhelmed thinking about have an infant, a 1 yr. old, a 3 yr old, a 6 yr old and an 8 yr. old. Right now there never seems to be enough of me to go around. To add someone else who needs me just blows my mind. Add to this, that now Jeremy works in Houma and it just gets more overwhelming by the minute. Now don't get me wrong, Jeremy is home every night but Houma is 2 hours from our house. So he is lucky to be home by 5:30 or 6 in the afternoon.

Now I know my life is not horrible and I have tons to be grateful for but these few things really sent me down. I have a hard time thinking about making friends because I would be a horrible friend. I spend so much time taking care of my family, I barely have time for myself. So I have basically pouted for the last month.

Next week starts a new week and hopefully a new outlook for me. I will be 15 weeks pregnant and I can not spend the rest of this pregnancy feeling sorry for myself. I am going to work harder at trying new things around here and being more active. God has blessed me in an abundance and I am very grateful for all of it.

I am not sure why I have written all of this. Maybe just so those other mom's out there that feel overwhelmed like me know that they are not alone. Maybe I feel like if I write down my new outlook, I am more likely to follow through with it. My new verse is
" I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13

Saying Good bye

Last week we lost a very important member of our family. Our dog, Ava. Ava has been Caroline's dog for 4 yrs now. We got her for Caroline's 4th birthday from some people down the street who were giving away free puppies. She was the sweetest dog any of us have every had. This was Jeremy and I 's first experience of parenting a child through the loss of a beloved pet. It was definitely one of those days, we wished our kid came with a manuel.

Her day started out normal with us letting her out of the garage to go back to the back yard. I looked out several times that day and saw her playing in the backyard. That night Jeremy went out to feed her and everything seemed fine. 15 minutes later, he went back out to bring her in for the night and she was dead. The best the vet can figure without autopsy is that her intestines flipped and she died suddenly.

We all cried! In fact, we still tear up b/c she is not there when we open our back door. She was so wonderfully obedient and sweet. When we would bring the boys outside when they were babies, she would sit at the foot of thier jumpers or swings like she was babysitting them. She is and always will be missed.

Here are some memories of our favorite pooch:

Exhaustion

I remember being pregnant for Caroline and thinking I was so exhausted. I was working full time and going to school. I thought there was no way I could get any more tired. Then I discovered a whole new realm of tired when I was pregnant for Kylie and chasing a two yr old Caroline through the house. Each pregnancy has taught me new things about myself. This one is teaching me how tired I can actually be and still function. Jeremy is a wonderful help and gets up most night but I am at that point in pregnancy that you are always tired. Add to that two school age kids with homework, a toddler that likes to climb, and a clingy 5 month old and you get a very exhausted Mom. I am not a a very good house wife to begin with, never really wanted to be one just kinda fell into it. So add in my exhaustion and that is not a good combo. Thank God, I have a wonderful husband that doesn't expect a perfect household.

And then there were 5

Alot of things have happend since my last post. We are now in our new home and the girls have start thier new school. We celebrated Christmas and New Years with wonderful family. Then we found out the astounding news. We are expecting..... AGAIN!! No this was not planned and yes we know how it happens. BUT... we also know all those proventive methods and were using all of them. We don't have insurance so we were saving for Jeremy to get snipped. Well... obviously God had other plans. I have to admit, excitement was not my first reaction. I have been pregnant for 3 of the 8 yrs we have been married. I was looking forward to getting back in shape and enjoying my family, that felt complete. The hope that I cling on to is God knows what he is doing. He has a great big plan for our family and we should always trust in Him. Now this is all being said after about a week of prayer and doubts going His way. Jeremy and I have always said that our verse is "Walk by faith, not by sight". God seems to remind us of that alot.

Thoughts

No one told me that when you have 4 children, there is never enough time or energy to go around. Especially when you are the only parent most of the time. Lately I feel so pulled in so many directions. Ayden and Thatcher are still very little so they need lots of attention for every day things. Caroline and Kylie are older but they need help with homework and they need to study. They also need to chat about thier friends and thier day. By the time they go to bed, I basically just sit very still and try to empty out my brain. I am usually physically tired but not as much as I am emotionally exhausted. I have also learned that no matter how good a husband you have they will never take the place of mom. Trust me, I have one of the best guys out there and yet I still am needed more than he is.

My next thought revolves around our move. It hurts my heart to see Caroline tear up when we talk about moving. She is so grown up about it and understands we have to do it but the bottom line is she is only 7 yrs old. This house is her home. She is very close to my mom and sisters. Then she loves her school, her friends. She has some very special little girls as her friends and it tears me up that I have to take her away from them. I know that this is all God's will and this will all work out for the good. I have explained that to Caroline a million times. The problem is no matter how great it will be down the road, it is going to be miserable right now. The mother in me does not want my precious little girl to hurt at all. I am very thankful that we have been able to teach her about God and how he can be a rock when you need someone to lean on. I hope that by giving her that gift, she will lean on Him and he will comfort her. I am trying but I am not quite as powerful as He is.

My brave little girls

I must confess. I am a horrible mom when it comes to keeping my kids up to date with thier shots. I have torn opinions about vaccinations. I just worry about giving my babies so many vaccinations at one time. I also HATE bringing my kids to get a shot. Well due to this, my girls are behind on thier shots. This has not been such a big deal, since they go to private school and the school doesn't push the issue. Well as of January, we are going to public school. I brought them on Monday to get shots. It worked out okay, Kylie had to get 3 actual shots (not sure how many vaccinations) and Caroline had to get 4 to catch them up to date. I had promised them that if they did not pitch a huge fit we could go get ice cream afterwards. I was pretty sure Caroline was going to be okay. She is my little toughy. Kylie, on the other hand, I feared for the nurse's life. She is our drama queen by far. So I have to admit, that I was more than impressed when neither of them cried, screamed, or hit the nurse. In fact, neither of them even flinched. My kids surprise every day.

In other news, we close on the house tomorrow. I go next Mon. and Tues. to clean the house, and tour the girls new school. Then 1 1/2 week from today we move all of our things over there. The kids and I will come back for thier last week of school. It is very exciting and terrifying at the same time.